Healing from Living with Alcoholic Parents

18 Oct Healing from Living with Alcoholic Parents

CPTSD is a subtype of PTSD that develops in response to prolonged, repeated traumatic experiences, typically lasting months or years. Try to remember that nothing around their alcohol or substance use is in connection to you, nor is it your responsibility to alter their behavior. Because there was a positive correlation between the tested areas with high rates of AUD and those with negative socioeconomic factors, researchers also suggested increased support of these parts of the community. ACE scores, or Adverse Childhood Experiences, is a widely accepted and thoroughly researched marker of the potential experiences an adult may have to navigate.

Several studies discuss the impact on the offspring of intermediate familial subtype parents who have experienced AUD or other SUD. It’s natural to close off your heart as a form of self-protection. You hold back emotionally and will only reveal so much of your true self. This limits the amount of intimacy you can have with your partner and can leave you feeling disconnected.

Causes of complex trauma

The ACE scoring tool serves as an example of how there is a high chance of some sort of impact on the child. Diseases that affect both the mind and body can lead to a person acting and reacting in ways that they normally wouldn’t, or neglecting the things they care about most. Studies suggest that both mental illness and trauma are risk factors for AUD and SUD. Childhood fear and trauma left you in a hyper-vigilant state. Anxiety keeps you trapped as whenever you try to move away from the other eight traits, it flares up.

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) − Traits and Recovery Trauma

And you can work through your struggles through a variety of therapy methods. Growing up with a parent addicted to alcohol can make for a difficult childhood. Some adult children of alcoholics, (or ACoAs) turn to alcohol themselves, while others find themselves disconnected from the world around them. Others may develop a mental health condition that holds them back from fully living life.

Because their world was chaotic and out of control growing up, ACOAs tend to want to control and hyper-focus on controlling their behavior and those around them. As you might imagine, being a control freak can lead to problems with intimate relationships. Addressing trauma through various therapeutic approaches, including trauma-focused therapy, EMDR, and motivational interviewing, can effectively reduce PTSD symptoms and substance misuse. It’s hard to predict your parents’ next move and you never really know if your needs are going to be met or ignored. And that kind of unpredictability can create problems down the line. Please visit adultchildren.org to learn more about the problem and solution, or to find an ACA meeting near you.

Parents are supposed to make their children feel safe, protected, and secure. But when a parent is an alcoholic, life can be chaotic and feels anything but secure. Even if you don’t have a diagnosed mental health condition, the trauma of your childhood can affect you in many ways. Many rehabs offer trauma-informed programs to help you heal from your past, and learn healthy ways to communicate and cope. Unfortunately, and for obvious reasons, children often don’t have access to these support groups while they’re still young. Even when a person grows up to become an adult child of an alcoholic, the meetings don’t necessarily focus on what it was like for a child to grow up alongside addiction and within a dysfunctional family.

Substance use disorder is a chronic but treatable condition. That said, it’s important to recognize that behaviors resulting from this illness can have a negative impact on loved ones. The journey adult children of alcoholics have traveled until they begin healing may seem complicated and difficult, but healing is not only possible but is probable. Adult children of alcoholics often have a low sense of self-esteem and self-worth. ACOAs often feel very uncomfortable when receiving recognition or praise, even when these two things are precisely what they are seeking.

Studies also suggest higher rates of children being removed from their homes with the presence of mothers who misuse alcohol or other substances. Having a parent with an SUD may also make an adult more likely to have a relationship with someone navigating a similar experience. Out of necessity, you took on some of your parents’responsibilities. These may have been practical (like paying the bills) or emotional (like comforting your siblings when Mom and Dad fought). Now you continue to take responsibility for other people’s feelings or for problems that you didn’t cause. External messages that you’re bad, crazy, and unlovable become internalized.

This obsession with external success combined with self-blame for your parent’s addiction quickly turns into perfectionism for many ACoAs. Your focus becomes avoiding any reason for people to criticize or blame you. It’s also very common for ACoAs to have a hard time having fun. The outside world becomes a scary place when you have a parent addicted to alcohol.

A Vision of Hope and a New Life Direction for an ACoA

Or you might have sensed all the tension just below the surface, like a volcano waiting to erupt. Learning life skills will help accomplish much as you learn to live without unreasonable fear or disappointment with yourself. AddictionResource aims to present the most accurate, trustworthy, and up-to-date medical content to our readers. Our team does their best for our readers to help them stay informed about vital healthcare decisions. Addiction Resource does not offer medical diagnosis, treatment, or advice.

Because as a child life felt out of control and unpredictable, as an adult you try to control everyone and everything that feels out of control (which is a lot). You struggle to express yourself, subconsciously remembering how unsafe it was to speak up in your family. Also, one must not forget that seeking out professional therapy from a counselor or therapist can help incredibly. In therapy, one might discover a great deal about oneself in overcoming the side-effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent. Just because a person grew up living under the effects of parental alcoholism does not mean they cannot thrive in adulthood. ACOAs can change their lives by beginning a new chapter in their life to experience hope, love, and joy.

1. Addiction Resource does not favor or support any specific recovery center, nor do we claim to ensure the quality, validity, or effectiveness of any particular treatment center.
2. And growing up with a parent with addiction makes it feel even more so.
3. We may be paid a fee for marketing or advertising by organizations that can assist with treating people with substance use disorders.
4. If you or someone you know is struggling as a child of alcoholics, find further information and help about ACoA on their website.
5. And learning these kinds of lessons when you’re developing your understanding of the world means you may carry them into adulthood.

Your addiction does not have to define who you are.

Some rehabs also offer Al-Anon meetings, specifically for loved ones of people with addiction. On the flip side, some children growing up with addicted parents fully reject any responsibility.8 They become dependent on others for functioning. This is because they never had someone show them how to healthily identify, label, and communicate their needs. And because they rely on others for almost anything, it’s common for these children to grow up feeling like they can’t do anything right. They lose all confidence in their abilities because they never have helpstay reviews to practice them. Children with alcoholic parents often have to take care of their parents and siblings.

Addiction isn’t the child’s fault, and they don’t have the power to fix it. But, they see their inability to do so as a failure, and this can add to their feelings of guilt and shame. Children who turn to this kind of perfectionism as a coping mechanism often remain perfectionists in adulthood. Eventually and with the help of others, adult children will come to view alcoholism and other drug addiction as a disease and family dysfunction as the inevitable result.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist/author specializing in addictions, codependency, and underlying issues such as depression, trauma, and anxiety. Official CPTSD Foundation wristbands to show the world you support awareness, research, and healing from complex trauma. One cannot go back in time addiction recovery art to change the behaviors of the people you grew up with. The only path towards healing involves seeking treatment and advocating for change.